How to Stay Angry

Here is a guaranteed formula on how to become a consistently angry person.

Be picky and finicky.

Take pride in being a perfectionist. Some of the angriest people in the world are perfectionists. After all, what thing is there that is perfect? Certainly nothing human is perfect. Therefore, people who expect perfection from others or from themselves are guaranteed to find frustration. The picky person wants each and every little thing to fit in its prescribed position. These people are idealists to the extreme. They have a beautiful, glossy picture of how the world should be, and they refuse to have happiness until all of their specifications are met. They frequently use words such as “have to,” “should,” and “must.” Everything and everybody has its place and function. This person will angrily busy himself in trying desperately to make the world perfect.

Don’t listen to another person’s point of view.

In discussions be concerned only with getting your own opinions across. One of the keys to being a consistently angry person is to be a poor listener. We all know that listening is a vital part of the communication process. If there is a steady flow of give and take in conversations, calmness and levelheadedness are likely to prevail. So if a person is dedicated to being angry, he won’t allow any give and take. Instead, when others have a point to be made (particularly if they are angry), the dedicated hothead will react defensively. He will insist that no one else knows what he is talking about. He certainly won’t entertain the thought that what others are saying might be valid. He will have one and only one goal in his interactions. That is, he will not stop until he has completely expressed his opinions at least eight times. Who cares what other people have to say?

Hold on so firmly to your religious convictions that you can’t help but condemn someone who disagrees with you.

Most Christians have an assurance of one thing. They know they are correct in their beliefs. They have found the absolute truth. This must mean that anyone who has any other ideas must be wrong. Angry people will watch others living a lifestyle that they know to be wrong and, because they know those people are heathens, they will have scorn. Rather than feeling love and patience, the committed angry persons will be repulsed. They will want to have nothing to do with anyone else. Occasionally they might try to pound someone on the head with their Bibles in order to knock some sense into that person. But there will be no other contact.

Pride yourself on never being silly.

That is, don’t laugh and have a good time. Be serious. After all, once you learn the skill of being chronically able to be serious it is easy to find things to be angry about. The next time you are engaging in some light conversation, throw in some gloomy comments about the state of our economy. And if that doesn’t dampen the mood, talk endlessly about the rising crime rate. With everything being so miserable, who can afford to smile? Angry people will think only of the dark side of life. They will worry about all those bills to be paid. They will want to discuss the spread of Communism or the increase in moral decay with anyone who will listen. If anyone tells a joke or a funny story, they will shake their heads in disgust over the frivolous attitude of the common folk. It’s those silly people who don’t concern themselves with all the burdens of the world who are making life’s problems more complex.

Overload your schedule.

We all know how leisure time and relaxation can make for a calm disposition. Therefore, if people are striving toward a life of anger they can become workaholics. On the surface, these workaholics may seem like nice, responsible people. But don’t be fooled. People who load up their free time with one responsibility after another will sooner or later protest that they aren’t getting their fair share out of life. They will frequently grumble about how other people are lazy and irresponsible. In fact, this can lead to a prevailing attitude of pessimism. Also, by being so busy, they will probably lose a lot of sleep. This can be an extra bonus, since anyone who does not get proper sleep is naturally going to become irritable.

Expect others to cater to your every whim.

We may be taught in our churches that part of the Christian life includes learning to be loving and caring. You might go so far as to say that sounds nice. But don’t do it-not if you are to succeed at having an angry disposition. Rather than trying to serve people and to make life pleasant for them, be selfish. Have high expectations for what other people can do for you. For example, if you are a man, proclaim yourself king of the castle. Constantly remind your family of the things they are expected to do to make life easy for you. Women, cry a lot when someone in your family makes a mistake or forgets to do the things you have asked. Whether by subtle manipulation or outright demands, always remind others of their duties and obligations.

Constantly demand your rights.

This is one of the surest steps to take toward a life of anger. Our newspapers are filled with accounts of one group after another that is demanding its rights. You might as well jump on the bandwagon, too. Forget that the Bible emphasizes responsibilities rather than rights. Don’t worry about that, demand your rights anyway. By being a rights activist you can let your selfish side come forth. If everyone in this world would work at being responsible toward one another, we wouldn’t have to demand rights. This means that we also might not have much anger. But you can help to create tension by joining with groups that are constantly criticizing other people who do not think the way they do. Join several.

Make fun of things such as love and gentleness.

Those characteristics are for people in the Dark Ages. You might as well face it, it’s a competitive world out there. This step can be particularly easy for men to do. After all, our culture puts a premium on being tough. Gentle men are looked upon as sissies. If your wife and children want to go to church, let them go by themselves. Also, make it clear that it is strictly a woman’s duty to do the loving things such as spending time with the children or buying birthday cards for relatives. Concern yourself only with real men’s work and pride yourself on being tough.

Speak in a loud, booming voice when you have a point to make.

In fact, practice shouting. Common sense tells us that speaking in a soft, caring voice will help create an atmosphere of harmony. Since your goal is to create the opposite, you will want to try to be intimidating in the way you talk with people. In discussion, if other people don’t agree with you right away, yell at them. This is very effective with family members. Not only does it create tension, but it also teaches them through role modeling how they should behave. By setting this type of example, perhaps your children or spouse will imitate you. Think of all the wild scenes this can create!

Worship money and material possessions.

Make them more important than human relations. If you are to become an angry person you must get your priorities right. As far as you are concerned, people are a means to an end. They are meant to be used to get you all the riches you desire. Once their usefulness is spent, leave them, have nothing to do with them. Anger, as I am referring to it here, is a self-centered emotion. Therefore, you want your desires and goals to be consistent. By being concerned primarily with what you will get from people, you are perpetuating the lifestyle that is best suited for anger.

Don’t look at your personality to examine your strengths and weaknesses.

If you are ever going to succeed at being a volcanic person, don’t try to improve yourself. Anyone who looks seriously at his personality flaws might actually find ways to become more mature. This would work against your objectives. If someone gives you feedback about how you are behaving inappropriately, snarl at him and tell him to be quiet. By all means, don’t read the Bible or listen to sermons. You might become convicted of your need to change. One way to keep from looking at your weaknesses is to simply deny that you have any.

Have no compassion for people who are suffering.

You are a self-made person. You’ve picked yourself up by the bootstraps to make yourself what you are today. Everyone else should do the same. As far as you are concerned, there is no excuse for human frailty. It is all a cop-out for a bunch of lazy people who want things handed to them on a silver platter. Never mind that people may have bad difficult circumstances to withstand in their formative years. Never mind that they may not have been encouraged to feel good about themselves. Life hasn’t been a bed of roses for you, either. Those are just lame excuses for weaklings who are not willing to tough out life’s problems the way you have.

Learn to nag and criticize.

Look for the worst in people and focus on it. This step can be carried out only by someone who is a dedicated pessimist. For example, when you look at the problems of toe world, just shake your head and mumble something about the sorry politicians who got us into this mess. When you see others making mistakes, point it out to them in a condescending manner. Whatever you do, don’t ever try to find ways that you can be of help in someone’s trouble spots. That might ruin your image. Think only of how you can make people aware of their faults. If you don’t point out problem areas, who will?

Author unknown.