First of all, healing (emotionally) is the result of when a person changes the way he or she processes the memories that were the result of an emotional trauma so that those memories will no longer interfere with their method of making decisions in the present.
So long as the person continues to allow the traumas and abuses of the past to impact their present method of decision making they will never heal and remain a “victim” of the past. At some point, they must decide that they are tired of living with the hurt and anger. The first step to healing is deciding to take whatever steps are required to heal, no matter how hard they may seem.
What Is Not, And What It Is
No – Healing does not mean that you forget what happened. You may never actually forget, but you don’t have to keep thinking about it. You cannot stop a bird from flying over your head, but you don’t have to let it make a nest in your hair. Just because you have memories, that does not mean you have to keep bringing them to mind.
Yes – it means that you decide to stop thinking and talking about it. You are in control of how often and for how long you bring those memories to mind. You are not a victim of your body or brain. When those memories come to mind, you can choose instead to think about how much God loves you, or how much those around to want you to heal, or about how you are concentrating on your healing. It is your choice.
No – Healing does not mean that you stop hurting immediately. There are some pains and hurts that will take time to diminish, you can forgive and start healing and still have some lingering pains and anger.
Yes – Means that pain and anger will diminish as you focus on healing. The great thing is that as you focus on your healing, those memories will more and more lose their hold on you because as you think about them less they also lose the emotions tied to them with time. If you keep up this practice, you will reach the point where the memories will no longer matter or be important.
The victims will not let go of their victimization because that is from where their power over others comes. |
No – Healing does not mean that other people do not hurt you, or that they cannot hurt you. There are some bad people in this world. That will not change until God steps in and make the change. Healing never includes a promise that others will not hurt you or even try. That would be a false promise.
Yes – it means that you learn to protect yourself by setting healthy limits in your life. You must take responsibility for yourself and set personal boundaries which are both healthy and such that you will not violate or allow others to violate. Other people are not responsible for your happiness, nor can they truly make you happy, but you can choose a life of freedom from the past, from the hurt, from the anger, and break the emotional connection you have had with those who hurt you.
What I Do Does Not Decide Who I Am; Who I Am Decides What I Do
The Bible teaches that humans have three parts, body, soul and spirit. Depending on whom you speak with, you will get the following explanations regarding these three distinct parts of the human self. One, the body represents the fleshly nature of humans. That is to say, our carnal nature. This describes a selfish motivation within all humans to satisfy our own wants and desires.
Secondly, What Is Forgiveness, According to the Bible?
NO – Pardon the violator (what most people call forgiveness). The wrong thing to do when someone hurts you or takes advantage of you is to “forgive” them by pardoning them. Pardoning someone should be done only by governors, presidents, and God.
Yes – Impose consequences on the violator. Or,
Yes – Emotionally give up the right to revenge. Give it to God so that He can take vengeance.
Victim Mentality
Victims use their wounds and pains as weapons against others who disagree with them, or who do not do as they demand.
Victims are never satisfied with any reparations or remorse expressed or attempted by the violators.
The victims will not let go of their victimization because that is from where their power over others comes.
They do not want to let go of that power over other people, it gives them a false sense of security and safety.
What Is Gained by Forgiveness?
- It breaks the connection between the victim and the violator.
- It free the victim to stop being a victim and become an overcomer.
- It allows God to begin the work of change and healing the victim.
What If You Do Not Forgive?
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- You will never trust other people.
- You will remain unhappy.
- You will remain angry.
- Others will learn to lose respect for you.
- You will learn to hate.
- You will not mature in Christ.
- You will not heal.
