At the core of who I am, what makes me be me, is that I am a man of my Word. There is nothing more important to me than recognition as such, and that my word is taken seriously. For anyone to question that, they are questioning my concept of what is my essence, in my opinion. To be someone who is trusted is paramount to me. I have spent the last 34 years of my life earning the right to be trusted and believed. If someone questions my veracity, they are essentially asserting that I am a liar and cannot or should not be trusted. For someone, anyone, to question that of me, they must produce valid evidence on my part to deceive others.
The question is not whether I have ever told a lie in my life. Every human being who has ever lived on this planet has either outright lied, withheld some aspects of the truth, misled, deceived others, and/or manipulated the truth to some extent. I am not saying that everyone is essentially a liar, instead, I am specifically stating that humans will tend to tell the truth as they believe, or want, or prefer the truth to be, so they will, if need be, adjust the truth to fit their need.
Am I capable of lying? Sure, like each and every other human being. Will I choose to lie? Sure, just like every other human being, given the necessary circumstances. But, do I deceive others? No. To deceive means “to cause (someone) to believe something that is not true, typically in order to gain some personal advantage,” according to the dictionary. The synonyms include: “swindle, defraud, cheat, trick, hoodwink, hoax, dupe, take in, mislead, delude, fool, outwit, lead on, inveigle, beguile, double-cross,” (same source). So the real question is, “Am I a deceptive person?” Heck, no! I have no interest in hurting anybody, especially in the forms mentioned above.
Let’s examine the concept of a liar. If someone were to tell one lie, would you, using common sense, decide that this person is a liar and stop trusting that person from now on? This would involve each and every human being in the world, including you. What if that person lied so that they could get you to go with them to a surprise party they were having for your birthday? Are they still liars? Let’s turn that around, now what if a person was known for lying? For example, that they would lie constantly, a pattern, if you will. Now would you consider that person a liar?
Normally, we could come to the conclusion that someone is a liar because they did not tell the truth, period. The problem with this is that whether someone is lying is sometimes a subjective matter. For example, you see a car crash, and the police ask you to describe what you saw. Now, let’s say that after gathering all the witnesses’ statements the police come to the conclusion that the accident happened in a manner different from your statement. Did you lie, or were you wrong? People will make mistakes or understand something differently from others, and then they will speak according to what they believe to be true. If they are getting something wrong, incorrectly “seeing” something, or do not understand what is really happening, does this mean they are lying when they say that something is, or happened, the way they understand? Obviously not, they wouldn’t be lying they would just be wrong. To label them liars would be a lie as well.
There are different types of liars.
- There are those who lie on occasion. This group includes you and me. And, normally we may lie about something inconsequential like telling someone we are not hungry when we do not want to eat some food they are offering us. It is a lie, but not a harmful one.
- There are those people who lie for the purpose of gain. They may not lie all the time, but under certain circumstances which they see as a benefit for themselves, they will play with the truth. An example of this is of a person gets stopped by a police officer because they were speeding. The person may tell the officer that they were not paying attention, or that they are in a hurry to get to the hospital, or something like that to get out of being ticketed. They are lying, but only under similar circumstances.
- There are those people who lie for the purpose of impressing others. They lie about achievements and events in their lives which they believe will impress others.
- There are those people who lie just to lie. These people fall into the ” incorrigible” category of lying. They not only lie as a pattern in their lives, but they lie even when lying can hurt them as well.
- There are those people who are unconscionable liars. They have no sense of doing wrong when they lie. They don’t care if someone is hurt because of the lies. In fact, they lie to hurt others.
Most of us will fall into the first group, we may lie on occasion, but there will be no pattern of lying in our lives. That does not make us “liars,” that means only that we are human.
So, why is it important that I be trusted and believed, and that I not be seen as a liar? Because this will affect whether or not I and someone else can have a healthy relationship of any type. If they think I am a liar, that means I cannot be trusted, and therefore they should stay away from me. I would do the same in return. I will not willingly have a relationship with someone whom I cannot trust. I may have to work alongside someone like that because I have to pay bills and eat, but I don’t have to like them and especially not spend time outside of work with them. I would not continue attending a church where I could no longer trust in the pastor’s word, for example. I would not want someone I believed to be a liar in my home or around my children, and I would take any legal action to enforce that. A relationship without trust is not a healthy relationship and should be avoided if possible. So, if someone calls me a liar, then they are also indicating to me that they do not want a relationship with me.
I love and respect myself. I will not give that up for anyone. The day I lose respect for myself and allow others to come around me who believe I am a liar I also prove I don’t love myself. That cannot happen. I am willing to lose my relationship with anyone who is unwilling to take me at my word. Finally, before you get too critical, let me point out that my God is the same way. He is willing to receive anyone who will take Him at His Word. But, if we don’t trust Him and won’t believe Him, He does give us the option of going to that other place after we die. God has boundaries. We will either have a healthy relationship the way He wants it to be, or there will be no relationship. Amen!
